Well, it's happened. I had an extended pang of nostalgia for Leuven today, and now I'm stewing in it. I received one of those bilingual emails from the university telling me my KULeuven email account will be shut down in 30 days if I don't re-register. Oh how I railed against that place, and the craziness that was studying there. But I miss it. Something about all that pomp and circumstance and the heavy weight of all that history put its impression on me, and now I suppose I just miss the atmosphere. I miss the people too, everything seems too quiet here. Nevermind that I haven't left my apartment very much in the last three days. The field somehow just seems too open, and even the slightest self-imposed structure feels like a shadow of what I just put myself through. The intensity of last year has paled everything after, and I find myself completely detached from my project(s) here. There's no sense of impending doom to force me into these petty debates that never decide anything. It's strange that switching to religion has only made me more acutely aware of the possible pointlessness of all this reading and writing. Is it strange? Or did everyone foresee that but me? I suppose it's what I wanted, at some level... nevertheless "I" am not up to speed.

There was a sadness this weekend. One of my mother's closest friends passed away, a woman I've known since I was very small. I look up to her. She seems to me to have had it all, beauty, grace, love, family ... everything. She's an example I will hold for the rest of my life.
Even though I haven't seen her in many years, I will miss her, and my heart goes out to her family.


Ah well, rainy day post.